Sun, Softball, and Mini-bullies...oh my.
I wanted to smack someone else's kid yesterday.
Last night, we were at the church softball game, and Brynne found some children from the other team. Now, let me stop here and explain that Brynne has always been a cautious kid.
Good example: I tell her that the oven is hot. I tell her ONCE. Every time I'm cooking, she'll come up and say, "is the oven hot right now, mommy, or can I climb up and help you cook?" She won't even get NEAR the stovetop when we're cooking--not even stand on the same side as it. She even corrects me if I invite her to help!
Like I said, she's cautious. (By the way, her brother does not share this personality trait, and has the bumps on his head to prove it :)
So when I say she's cautious with new people, she's just not the kind of kiddo who runs up to strange kids on the playground. If one runs up to her, then instant friends. But at least for the first few minutes, she tends to hang back and observe things.
So, we're at the softball game. She find a little girl to play with, almost right away! I'm a little surprised but pleased. They share cupcakes we brought for Brynne's birthday, and they play dolls but eventually go their separate ways.
Several innings later, that same girl and two little boys were kicking around a ball. I saw Brynne just standing on the periphery, watching. I noticed she wasn't actually playing, and started paying attention. My cautious girl....she finally musters herself up and goes over and says, "Can I try it?"
Melt my heart.
This little kid...this PUNK kid...a full head shorter than Brynne, yells, "You can't play! You're too LITTLE!"
Brynne fires back, "I'm NOT little. I'm FOUR!"
This little boy walks up close to her face and yells, "You are not! You're LYING!"
Sidebar: seriously, this kid can't be more than 3 himself. Brynne is not a big child, and he is significantly smaller than her. Sidebar over.
By now, I'm making my way over there. As I'm striding, the next little boy decides to jump in and yell, "You're TOO LITTLE!" (He's four too, I found out later)
By now, I've reached them. I'm wondering, "where are their mothers? What do I say to someone else's kid--especially when I don't know them?!"
I don't know if I did the right thing, but I just walked up and looked the mini-bully in the eye and said, "She IS four. She told you the truth. Let's go", took Brynne's hand and walked away to some of her friends from our group.
Now, in the grand scheme of things, this was a pretty minor incident. No physical fighting or tears were involved. But I'm finding out that nothing makes me angrier faster than to see someone deliberately being mean to my kid. What really makes this incident worse for me is the fact that I KNOW where her usual comfort zone is when it comes to new people. It took alot for her to choose to approach a whole group of strange kids and ask to be included. I am so PROUD of her for trying, and so mad at that little pipsqueak for rebuffing her effort to make friends.
The whole thing irks me. But there is a reason that I've been thinking about it as much as I have.
I can't stop this from happening.
This is a part of parenting I've been dreading from the start. I can't keep my kids from experiencing hurt, rejection, embarrassment...PAIN.
I'm not making an argument that it would even be healthy to do this if I could, just that as a mama, I want to. I want them to be carefree and happy, and unencumbered by life experiences that hurt. I've known since the moment my first baby was born that there were going to be times when I couldn't keep them from pain. Times when they come home from school upset for one reason or another, and that in some ways, their pain would be my pain. It hurts to watch your children be hurt.
She's going to preschool in the fall, and I know a new season will begin.
I also know that when it really comes down to it, they NEED some of these experience. What else would drive them to the Lord? I've never grown the most in my easiest times. Why would they?
I read somewhere once that my job as their mother is not to protect and make everything ok. It's to point them in the direction of the One who really IS what they need when they are hurt.
I guess that counts for mini-bullies too. :)
Last night, we were at the church softball game, and Brynne found some children from the other team. Now, let me stop here and explain that Brynne has always been a cautious kid.
Good example: I tell her that the oven is hot. I tell her ONCE. Every time I'm cooking, she'll come up and say, "is the oven hot right now, mommy, or can I climb up and help you cook?" She won't even get NEAR the stovetop when we're cooking--not even stand on the same side as it. She even corrects me if I invite her to help!
Like I said, she's cautious. (By the way, her brother does not share this personality trait, and has the bumps on his head to prove it :)
So when I say she's cautious with new people, she's just not the kind of kiddo who runs up to strange kids on the playground. If one runs up to her, then instant friends. But at least for the first few minutes, she tends to hang back and observe things.
So, we're at the softball game. She find a little girl to play with, almost right away! I'm a little surprised but pleased. They share cupcakes we brought for Brynne's birthday, and they play dolls but eventually go their separate ways.
Several innings later, that same girl and two little boys were kicking around a ball. I saw Brynne just standing on the periphery, watching. I noticed she wasn't actually playing, and started paying attention. My cautious girl....she finally musters herself up and goes over and says, "Can I try it?"
Melt my heart.
This little kid...this PUNK kid...a full head shorter than Brynne, yells, "You can't play! You're too LITTLE!"
Brynne fires back, "I'm NOT little. I'm FOUR!"
This little boy walks up close to her face and yells, "You are not! You're LYING!"
Sidebar: seriously, this kid can't be more than 3 himself. Brynne is not a big child, and he is significantly smaller than her. Sidebar over.
By now, I'm making my way over there. As I'm striding, the next little boy decides to jump in and yell, "You're TOO LITTLE!" (He's four too, I found out later)
By now, I've reached them. I'm wondering, "where are their mothers? What do I say to someone else's kid--especially when I don't know them?!"
I don't know if I did the right thing, but I just walked up and looked the mini-bully in the eye and said, "She IS four. She told you the truth. Let's go", took Brynne's hand and walked away to some of her friends from our group.
Now, in the grand scheme of things, this was a pretty minor incident. No physical fighting or tears were involved. But I'm finding out that nothing makes me angrier faster than to see someone deliberately being mean to my kid. What really makes this incident worse for me is the fact that I KNOW where her usual comfort zone is when it comes to new people. It took alot for her to choose to approach a whole group of strange kids and ask to be included. I am so PROUD of her for trying, and so mad at that little pipsqueak for rebuffing her effort to make friends.
The whole thing irks me. But there is a reason that I've been thinking about it as much as I have.
I can't stop this from happening.
This is a part of parenting I've been dreading from the start. I can't keep my kids from experiencing hurt, rejection, embarrassment...PAIN.
I'm not making an argument that it would even be healthy to do this if I could, just that as a mama, I want to. I want them to be carefree and happy, and unencumbered by life experiences that hurt. I've known since the moment my first baby was born that there were going to be times when I couldn't keep them from pain. Times when they come home from school upset for one reason or another, and that in some ways, their pain would be my pain. It hurts to watch your children be hurt.
She's going to preschool in the fall, and I know a new season will begin.
I also know that when it really comes down to it, they NEED some of these experience. What else would drive them to the Lord? I've never grown the most in my easiest times. Why would they?
I read somewhere once that my job as their mother is not to protect and make everything ok. It's to point them in the direction of the One who really IS what they need when they are hurt.
I guess that counts for mini-bullies too. :)
Comments
Micaiah is a very sweet kid. He is a little socially awkward, but has grown so much since going to preschool and kindergarten! He colored two pictures when school was in session to give to two boys on the school bus. They wouldn't take them, said they didn't want them. He put them back in his backpack and cried when he got home.
I wanted to ride the bus the next day and put those little jerks in a headlock. I refrained and talked to my little boy about how great his pictures were. (He thought they didn't take them because he didn't do a good job coloring.)
It's a continual learning experience, this whole "being a parent and not shielding them from every hurt" thing. I hate it sometimes and just pray that God will protect their hearts and make home a safe haven to come home to.
Poor Abby had no idea what to say after that and she withdrew and "swung" by herself. I was SO tempted to walk over there but i didn't. I just waited...sigh It's SO hard!
When we went home i commented on what a good "monkey swinger" she was and her face lit up :)
~ Becca
It's not easy momming in that department, huh?